


Jolie Coquine

by Unicornsniper



Series: Fairy Tales [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cliffhangers, Complete, Dubious Morality, Dubious understanding of an editors job, Eventual Romance, F/M, More angst than expected, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, a dash of angst, mentions of mental abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-04-19 13:37:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14238435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsniper/pseuds/Unicornsniper
Summary: It was already 8:52 p.m. when Jyn Erso entered the building.  Normally, she would have gone directly to her apartment, had wine for dinner, and went back to work as she did every night but today, her predictable schedule would be interrupted by the gentleman in the apartment next to hers.





	1. Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul - Judy Garland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was already 8:52 p.m. when Jyn Erso entered the building.  Normally, she would have gone directly to her apartment, had wine for dinner, and went back to work as she did every night but today, her predictable schedule would be interrupted by the gentleman in the apartment next to hers.

It was already 8:52 p.m. when Jyn Erso entered the building.  Normally, she would have gone directly to her apartment, had wine for dinner, and went back to work as she did every night but today, her predictable schedule would be interrupted by the gentleman in the apartment next to hers.

 

She met Cassian Andor previously when he initially moved in next door.  He seemed boring, wearing dark trousers and plain shirts with unkempt hair.  Rarely did he ever show any mood outside of a bland pleasantry which always made her want to puke and stalk away in annoyance.  She hated disingenuine people and he oozed a kind of sereness that could not be real in this day and age. Who in the world was _that_ kind?  Maybe that was the reason she said the foulest things in his presence and tried to get the unflappable man to blush.

 

To date, she had a couple of theories about him.  One was that Andor was an actual alien sent by some intellectual species to study people through their butts.  Another hypothesis was that he was some sort of science experiment where he had been locked up for eons and didn't understand normal human interactions while evil scientists harvested all his sensory receptors.

 

That night as she hauled a sack of groceries through the lobby, she caught sight of him coming down the stairs and her heart flat-lined.  His normally wild hair was tamed and slicked back from his forehead, revealing the sharpest, darkest eyes that boiled with thousands of emotions.  The tuxedo that adorned his body was cut perfectly to fit his lean figure and, as the light from the stairwell hit him, she realized that she could see his bulge.   _Impressive, Andor_ , she thought with a perverted grin on her face.

 

Cassian caught her staring, blinked, and the torrent of emotion that had been brewing in his eyes vanished so suddenly that she felt cold and empty inside.  Suppressing the strange emotion, she immediately wiped the smile away. “Did you happen to see a short woman with immaculate hair outside?” he asked with a pleasant voice that grated on her nerves.

 

Shaking her head no, she was about to bypass him when he let out a rather charming expletive and ran a hand through his hair, disheveling it slightly.  She cocked an eyebrow and he muttered an apology despite not looking the least bit sorry.

 

“No worries,” she replied, peering at him curiously.  For some reason, his mask was cracking and she found that to be intriguing.   “Kinda dig this version of you, Andor.”

 

He didn’t shy away from her intrusive glare.  “Version?”

 

“Yeah.  Nice clothes and a filthy mouth.  I think you inadvertently found one of my kinks.”  

 

For a brief second, he seemed to assess her before saying blandly, “I live to please.”  He held out his hand and she stared at it curiously. When she hadn’t moved for a full twenty seconds, he darted forward and lifted the grocery bag from her grip, accidentally brushing against her fingers.  Recoiling immediately, she could have sworn she felt _something_ shoot throughout her body that settled low in her belly.

 

To hide her shock, she snapped, “I can do it.”

 

“Never doubted your ability,” he replied in that calm voice that made her want to scratch his eyes out.  He turned and began climbing the stairs. “But if my sisters ever found out that I didn't help my neighbor with her--”

 

“--Tampons and wine--” she interrupted as she caught up to him.

 

“--they’d beat the shit of me,” he continued as if she had not said anything.

 

Andor didn’t seem like the kind of person who would take a beating.  It was in the graceful way he moved; he was too quick to get punched. “They sound like my kind of people.”

 

“Fuck--If you all ever met, I'm pretty sure my demise would be imminent.”

 

Finally reaching the fifth floor, they turned down their dimly lit hallway as she rubbed her hands together.   Maybe the reason she had felt…something… was because it had been too long since she’d had any human contact. “Nonsense.  Then who would we torture for shits and giggles?”

 

He pursed his lips as he side eyed eyed her.  “I'm sure there's a list of deserving victims in your diary.”

 

Jyn decided that whatever managed to piss him off made him much more entertaining.  “Do I look like a person that keeps a diary?”

 

Giving her a long and piercing look, he said, “You look like a person that holds a grudge.”

 

Before she knew it, they stood in front of her door as she dug into her pocket for her keys.   Curiously, there was deep pang in her gut as she realized that a tiny part of her didn't want to stop talking to him.  Again, she attributed it to the lack of human interaction in her life and made a mental note to make plans with a friend.  “Didn’t know I was _that_ transparent.”

 

Cassian’s eyes rolled as he followed her inside. All the apartments in the complex had a similar layout with the entrance opening right into the kitchen.  Separating the living room and kitchen was a small island which she chose to decorate with a heap of scribbled notes that were all crumpled and pencil shavings.  Off to the side was her bedroom and bathroom.  She switched on the kitchen lights and tossed her keys on the island before kicking off her sneakers.

 

She felt his eyes on her before peering over her shoulder, watching him toe off his wing tipped dress shoes and following her into the kitchen.  “You tell people I'm an alien from Pluto and run away the second you see me,” he replied as he plopped the grocery bag on the counter.

 

Reaching into the bag, she pulled out milk and walked to the fridge.  “Well, if you were an alien, I didn't want you to probe my butt without my consent.”

 

She turned after shoving the milk onto the rack only to see him handing her the rosé she had bought.  “So as long as I have your consent it would be fine,” he asked with a dirty smirk.

 

“Of course,” she replied innocently while plucking the bottle from his hand, careful to avoid touching him.  “But you're not getting acquainted with my insides, Andor.”

 

He genuinely smiled and it seemed like something he rarely did.  A dimple appeared and she found it mildly endearing.  “And if I told you my supreme leaders might kill me if I don't get stats on a human female.”

 

“Then I would rejoice.”

 

“With bottles of wine and tampons?”  He tossed her the box of tampons she had purchased.

 

A laugh erupted from her throat unexpectedly and she threw the box on the counter before she could drop it.  All the times she had seen Captain Stuffy in the hallway, she had never imagined that he was some vulgar wordsmith with a tongue almost as quick as hers.  After a second, she finally caught her breath and said, “That’d be one hell of a celebration…” Turning back to the fridge, she pulled out a bottle of beer, hesitated, and reached for a second bottle.  She tossed it to him and he caught it effortlessly. “You're surprisingly easy to talk to. What do you do--are you some kind if psychologist? Psychopath? Pimp?”

 

The pause was a little too long as she grabbed the bottle opener from a drawer.  “Actor,” he finally said a bit hesitantly.

 

“Ah, all three.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Have I seen you in anything?” she asked as she handed him the bottle opener and made her way to the living room.  She turned on more lights, illuminating the rather sparse room and revealing her lack of personal objects. There was only a raggedy loveseat and a worn coffee table that barely held several hardback books.

 

Following her, he sank on one side of the loveseat as she curled into the opposite end, staring at him while bringing the bottle to her lips.  “Well, since you haven’t gone blind, I would have to say no.”

 

“That great, huh?” she asked while picking at the label.  “Seriously, though, what are you in? Movies? TV?”

 

Narrowing his eyes, he said,  “I feel like if I tell you, I’ll regret it.”

 

“Yes, you will,” she confirmed and took a big gulp of her beer, her eyes shining with mirth.

 

Giving her a flat look, he said, “That’s not a great incentive.”

 

“I thought all actors liked to gloat about the shit they’re in.”

 

“Not this one.”

 

“Why?”  A thought entered her head and she slammed her bottle on the coffee table, sitting up straighter.  A book fell and he looked as if he were about to pick it up but she stopped him by saying, “Don’t worry about it--just using them as research for my next book.  Now answer me this, Andor...were you in porn?”

 

Sighing, he turned away from her and slumped against the armrest.  “Google it.”

 

A mixture of glee and curiosity suddenly flooded her entire body and she could not contain her excitement.  “Oh shit, it's porn, isn't it?”

 

Reaching into his pocket, he tossed her his phone.  For a second, she stared at the contraption before her brows furrowed and she unlocked the screen with a quick swipe.  There was a small photo of two young women with a little girl between them smiling up at her--they seemed happy and a feeling that she had not had in a long time stirred inside of her.  She quickly suppressed it. Instead, she tapped on his Google app and her fingers shook as she typed in his name.

 

Her eyes scanned the listings and she clicked on one particular movie that caught her eye.  Suddenly, she looked at him with a grin bursting onto her face. “You played an alien...from Pluto?”  He downed his beer then held the bottle up while quirking his eyebrow. “Yeah, there’s more in the fridge,” she responded as she looked back at the phone and read the synopsis.  “This is so unreal.”

 

“When I first met you,” he began as he padded to the kitchen and pulled out two bottles, “I just thought you were a strange fan.  It took me a while to realize that you actually hated me.”

 

“Of course I hated you--you always acted like some pompous jerk.”

 

“I didn’t know how to react to a person I thought was a _super_ fan," he said while he loosened his bow tie.  "For all I know you could’ve been a weird stalker and quoting one of my roles.”

 

Dropping the bottle in her waiting hand, she continued to scroll through the synopses, guffawing as she read more about it.  “You crash into Earth, save a sea lion from a poacher then fall in love with a marine biologist but she dies in your hands when you make love to her?!”  Her face hurt from smiling so much. “So you’re an alien with a killer cock?”

 

“And don’t you forget it.”  They clinked their bottles and drank while beaming.

 

Glancing back down at his phone, she began typing away.  “We _have_ to watch this--there!  Just ordered a copy off of Amazon.  It’ll arrive in two days.”

 

Snatching his phone back, he stared down at it.  “You bought a movie I star in with _my_ Amazon app.  Do you know how narcissistic this looks?”  

 

Laughing she said, “Andor, we need to see this.  I want to watch you murder her with your penis!”

 

“Another kink?”

 

“It can be!  You’ll watch it with me, right?”

 

The silence that met her question was deafening.  It had just slipped out of her mouth since she was caught up in the moment.  If she really thought about it, though, she barely knew the guy. Shit. Shit...what had she done?  Did it sound like she was asking him out? She was absolutely _not_ thinking about inviting him on a date--it hadn't even occurred to her.

 

“...As friends?” she continued and it sounded stupid even to her own ears.   _Way to make it worse, Erso._

 

He took a long drag of his beer and the need to knock it out of his hands was overwhelming.

 

“Monday, right?” he finally said, his eyes crinkling at the corners.  “Sort of busy that day but I can do Tuesday.”

 

The tension dribbled out of her body and she visibly relaxed.  “Good, because you owe me two beers.”


	2. Dubious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You want him to what? Pretend to like me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the update of in chapters; apologies...the setup is taking longer than expected.

Scowling at the manuscript her editor handed back to her, it had been filled with so many modifications that it looked like it was bleeding.  “You killed it,” she grumbled as she flipped through the pages before she threw it back onto his gargantuan oak desk, purposely knocking over his meticulously placed dinosaur figures.  

 

It wasn’t even the end of Monday and she already declared the week to be a lost cause.  Sitting in front of her editor, Kay Tuesso, always put her in that foul of a mood. But, as she recalled, it was her fault as she had been the one to purposely seek him out and force him to be her editor at the publishing company (much to his chagrin).  She could have had the kind hearted Bodhi Rook, or the grumpy yet insightful Baze Malbus, but no, she had to choose Tuesso as he was the best in the business. Despite his dower attitude, it was Kay’s suggestions that got her previous book to the best seller list.  So, she trusted him even though she wanted to kick him in the throat most of the time.

 

Peering at her over his glasses, he gave her a look that could sour milk.  “It had been dead long before I received it." Carefully, he rearranged the dinosaurs back to their upright positions.  "To revive it, you will have to adjust all the marked lines.”

 

She slumped further down into her chair, trying her best not to glower.  “You mean rewrite the entire thing.”

 

“No, only the excerpts involving the protagonist and the love interest.  Everything else was,” he paused, searching for an appropriate word, “tolerable.”

 

“Love interest,” she repeated quietly.  Abruptly, Jyn jolted forward and jammed her index finger into the manuscript, her face hovering a few inches away from his.  “You were the one that said there needed to be a love interest in this stupid thing.”

 

“That was when I thought you had actual talent.”  He was unfazed by her sudden outburst as he was already used to her unstable mannerisms.   Staring at her, bile dripping from his tongue, he continued, “It appears I overestimated your skill.”

 

Blind rage overtook her and she could feel her body shaking uncontrollably with suppressed energy, wondering if she could be convicted of his murder.  Breathing forcefully through her nose and out through her mouth, she managed to finally hiss, “Did you want me to castrate you?”

 

“No, not today,” he replied as if she had asked a real question which further irritated her.  “Per my calculation, if you add passion to your story, it will enhance the chances of your being in the top 10 by an additional 78%, but you need to write it properly.”  Taking his glasses off, he pulled a cloth towel from his coat pocket and began rubbing the lens mechanically. “I did want to solve this conundrum as it was due to my direction that you tried to strengthen your story with _love.”_

 

“How?  Are you going to teach me?  Gonna make a pass at me, Kay,” Jyn asked sarcastically as she pushed off of the desk and began pacing around the small office.  

 

“Oh, I would never be stuck in trivial matters since it lacks logic.”  Carefully, he replaced the cloth and put his glasses back on, his golden eyes peering at her thoughtfully.  “I did hire someone to do the dirty work, though.”

 

Before Jyn could even begin to question what he meant by that, there was a soft knock at the door.  Whipping around as the door opened a crack, Kay’s assistant, Chirrut Imwe, peeked into the room and said, “Your 3:00 is here.”

 

“Good timing.  Send him in.”

 

“Kay--we’re still in a meeting…”  Jyn's voice trailed into silence as Kay stood up primly and Cassian Andor walked through the door.  For a second, Cassian glanced at Jyn, and if his gait stuttered slightly, Kay did not comment, which was unusual.

 

The night that she drank with Cassian was admittedly the most fun she had in a while but she had woken on her couch with the worst headache searing through her head the morning after.  His tux jacket was wrapped around her shoulders and a water bottle with pills sat on the coffee table. A note was scribbled next to the pills stating, _nice attempt at trying to kill me Erso, but you can't get rid of me so easily._ She had spent the next half hour laughing and cursing him for laughing and causing her headache to grow before she slipped back into oblivion.

 

“Cassian.  It is great to see you,” Kay declared as he shook Cassian’s hand before letting go and indicating the vacant seat opposite of him.

 

“Kay,” Cassian responded pleasantly while he sat down.  Again, his eyes strayed towards Jyn who shrugged her shoulders at him, also completely confused.  "You said you needed my help today?"

 

"Yes--I will get right to the point.”  Kay rested his clasped hands onto his desk while he peered at Cassian. “I need you to woo this woman."

 

"What?!" Jyn cried out at the same time that Cassian asked curiously, "Excuse me?"

 

Kay shook head slightly as if he remembered he were talking to people of less intellect.  "To woo. To try and gain the love of this specific person. Romantically pursue her. To court her."

 

Jyn was still reeling from the request and had to lean on the wall for support.  She wondered if she was, in fact, insane until Cassian interrupted with a deadly calm voice, "I understand what the word means.  I want to know why.

 

“This is Jyn Erso,” Kay indicated as he glanced at Jyn.  “More notably known as Tanith Ponta."

 

She winced.  She had not explicitly told Kay never to reveal her true name from the pseudonym she used when writing, but still, she had not expected it.  

 

“The famous writer?”  Cassian asked slowly.

 

“Yes.” Kay responded.  Carefully, calculatingly, Kay leaned forward and stared hard into Cassian’s eyes.  “I have a proposition for you. For her next book, she needs to research the raw, human emotion of passion but, judging by her second draft of her manuscript, she has never experienced it before.”

 

“Hey--” she began but Kay held up a hand to silence her, which she stared at incredulously.  Of course it was not her best work but she had almost no experience in yearning and want and love or whatever the hell it was; how was she supposed to know?  

 

It took Cassian a second to answer, his body suddenly tense.  “And you want me to help her... discover her...passion?” Leaning back in his chair, his eyes completely void of any emotion, he said, “I’m not a gigolo, Kay.”

 

“I understand that.  But, you are an actor.”

 

The eerie energy that saturated the room was unbearable.  Unable to stand it any longer, Jyn intervened. “You want him to what?   _Pretend_ to like me?”

 

“Think of it as research,” Kay responded while turning his attention toward her.  “You will get more out of it then watching a movie or reading self-help books and I think it will do you well--make you understand how to write these characters in something more believable than whatever drivel you made me read.”

 

Rolling her eyes, she scoffed,  “You have got to be kidding me--”

 

“How much?” Cassian asked, startling Jyn.  She swiveled her head in his direction and was surprised to see him sitting with his back straight and his eyes unwavering as he watched Kay.

 

Kay looked at his computer for a split second before replying, “Enough.”

 

Sighing, Cassian turned to Jyn, his eyes completely resigned.  “I’ll do it, if you’re fine with it.”

 

Staring at both men, she felt her entire world start to crumble.  Up was down; left was right and more importantly, her recent enemy turned friend was heading dangerously back into enemy territory.  “This is ridiculous!” she yelled at them. “Do you honestly think that this will even remotely help?”

 

Swiftly, Cassian stood up and was in front of her before she could register that he had moved.  He took a small breath before his eyes flickered upward and collided with hers. It felt heavy and warm and entirely too alluring.  He gave her enough room to move away if she chose to, but she found that she couldn’t and that her body was drifting closer to him.

 

Her head swam with words that slowly weaved together.

 

_...His eyes devoured her body and she found herself craving his touch…_

 

_...her hands itched, yearning to touch his skin...to feel his entire length pressed against her..._

 

Shutting her eyes, Jyn backed away from him until her butt hit the wall.  Touching her forehead with her fingertips, she felt how overheated she had become in a span of two seconds.  “What the fuck was that?”

 

“Acting,” Cassian replied, his voice hoarse with emotion.  He coughed into his hand and shook his head slightly. “Sorry, it takes me a minute to get out of it.”

 

Despite her body being completely shocked by that moment of...of whatever it was, certain ideas were clicking into place as she thought of her novel.  “And you can turn that on and off?” Jyn asked cautiously. Rather than look at him, she set her eyes on her manuscript still sitting on Kay’s desk.

 

“That’s what actors do, Jyn.”

 

“I see,” she replied.  Already, her mind was working a mile a minute as she rewrote her story in her head.  Her smile was delicate, but she met his hooded gaze with determination. “I, uh, I’m fine with it if we start slow--I’ve never...I haven’t ever…” she let her words trail off not quite knowing how to finish it.

 

“Of course,” Cassian said returning to that weird formality he had before she had gotten to know him.  It irked her and she found herself regretting her decision until Kay clapped his hands and said, “Excellent.  I expect good work from you both. Cassian, please see Chirrut about a W-2 before leaving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot is borrowed from the manga Missions of Love that I read a long time ago...in a galaxy far, far away (meaning, it's been a minute so I don't quite remember it too well).


	3. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A loud crashing sound jolted her out of her self pity and she sat up, shocked. Suddenly, she was on her feet and running out of her apartment and over to his place. Rapping on the door, she cried out, “Everything okay in there, Andor?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to you everyone that has sent kudos or has commented on the chapters. Your continued appreciation and thoughts help me write!
> 
> Apologies for the lateness of this chapter; I made it extra long because of the wait.

There was a level of awkwardness that she didn’t want to admit to when they left Kay’s office, and she briefly wondered if their diminutive friendship had been fractured by the business proposition.  While she gave him a brief smile as he stopped by Chirrut’s desk, he gave her a glacial look that made her feel utterly frigid. It took her all of her walk back to her apartment to completely forget about him and rework the first chapters of her manuscript into something that started to flow fairly well.   

 

She wondered if she could write this without having to use Andor.  It seemed possible at the rate that she was going until she heard her doorbell.  

 

The echo of her laughter flooded the hallway.  "You...you can't be...serious," she managed to exclaim between fits of laughter.  "This is how you woo women?"

 

In front of her, Cassian merely offered her a slightly exasperated look as he shoved the bouquet of roses into her chest.  Still gasping for breath, she held onto it haphazardly with one hand as she grabbed the door jamb for support. "I have a plan B," he told her as he swung his other arm around revealing a 12 pack of her brand of beer.

 

"This is more my speed," she replied while she stepped back from the doorway.  "Though admittedly I haven't touched the stuff since you came over last time."

 

Walking in, he first removed his shoes before he went directly to the fridge and began placing bottles inside while she headed to her cabinet and pulled out an old jar.  "Still got a hangover?" he asked.

 

"And the shits."

 

"Charming."

 

"As always.  So what are you doing here, Andor?  Did you want to start our…” she paused, realizing she didn’t have a good word for what they were doing.  Acting lessons? Desire missions? To hide her nervousness, she filled the jar halfway with water and stuck the bouquet of roses into it.  “Meetings?” she finished lamely.

 

Done with putting the bottles away, he shut the fridge door and threw the cardboard container into her recycling bin as he said, “I'm here to seduce you.”

 

Her body froze.  “What?”

 

"No, not really.  I'm here to get tortured as you make fun of me for some dubious choices I made as a young man."  Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out a DVD and on the cover was his face, albeit younger with far less facial hair, but Jyn could recognize his eyes.  They were the same deep brown that had captured her the other day. There were more people on the cover, a woman with dynamic red hair and an angry fellow with deep, jagged crows feet.  Plutonic Love was scrawled in cursive above their heads.

 

"It’s here!"  Darting forward, her hand flailing in front of her, she just managed to touch the edge of the DVD cover before he lifted it above his head, way too high for her to reach.  She knew it had to have arrived but didn’t know that if their new arrangement meant that they would never watch it but now it was just a few feet above her. Cursing, she rested her fists on her hips and glared at him.

 

Looking directly into her pissed off face, he smiled politely and said, "Ground rules, Erso."

 

"I knew captain stuffy would somehow ruin this experience," she murmured.

 

He glared at her upon hearing the nickname then returned to his placid smile.  "Rule one, I have to drink in order for me to watch this."

 

"Deal.  Rule two--,” she kicked him in the shin which caused him to double over and she neatly pulled the DVD away from him.  “I'm in charge of the remote."

 

Rubbing his shin, he stared at her skeptically but conceded with a brief nod.  "Fine, but on the grounds that I have 5 fast-forward options."

 

"1."

 

"4."

 

"None."

 

"Erso!"

 

"Fine.  What about a safety word?  If it gets too painful for you, you can use three of them and I'll fast forward for 10 seconds."

 

"Deal,” he murmured.  “What's the safety word?"

 

"Murder."

 

"A bit morbid.”  He gave his leg one final pat then stood up straight.  “What about fast forward?"

 

"Too banal.  I need something a bit more exciting - I write for a living, after all."  Tapping her chin, she pondered a few words when a small, malicious smile lit her face.  "Psych."

 

Narrowing his eyes, he shook his head.  "No. You could always make the argument that you thought I was ‘just kidding.’" 

 

Her cheeks reddened at being caught.  "You're no fun."

 

"So I've been told.”  Stepping past her, he headed to her living room with her following close behind.  “Estrella?” he ventured.

 

It sounded pretty and she was pretty sure it was also a beer brand.  “What’s that mean?”

 

“Star.”

 

Dread filled her and she quickly glared at him, wondering if he knew--if he could have heard it somewhere from her past, but that was impossible.  How could he know a nickname from her past? “No, definitely not that one.” Mentally, she cursed herself by how harsh her voice sounded.

 

Falling into the love seat, he wrinkled his nose and asked, “Why?  It fits with our theme.”

 

Her chest felt hot and tight and her breathing started get shallow.  It had been a while since she had a panic attack and how could she even explain it away?  “No--just, no,” she managed to whisper. 

 

Cassian didn’t seem to notice her ordeal--or if he did, he ignored it.  Shrugging, he leaned his head back and stared at her ceiling, “Asteroid?” he tried.

 

Breathing deeply, glad that they were moving on, she said, “Let’s shorten it to ‘roids.”

 

“Fine.  Let's get this over with."

 

"Love that enthusiasm."

 

The film wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be.  Most of the beginning was filled with her snarky remarks and his rebuttals but as it continued on, she got pulled into the story and rooted for his fairly misunderstood character.  He only used his safe word once--during the sex scene, much to her displeasure, but she vowed that she would watch it when he wasn’t around. 

 

Four empty beer bottles lined her coffee table and she was feeling exceptionally good.  Not quite buzzed, but not sober, either. Smiling to herself, she realized that the serenity she felt was partly due to the fact that they could still joke with one another.   Whatever tension that was starting to infiltrate their relationship was probably all in her head, anyway. 

 

While the credits rolled, he had grown suspiciously silent and when she glanced over, she found him completely passed out, still cradling a finished beer close to his chest.  “What an idiot,” she murmured as she carefully got up. 

 

Hovering over him, she whispered as she shoved his shoulder, “Andor--hey Andor.  Wake up.”

 

He muttered something in his native tongue that she could not quite pick up.  Furrowing her eyebrow, she leaned closer and said louder, “Hey, Andor!”

 

Suddenly, his finger was pressed against her lips.  “Silencio,  pequeña , estoy cansado…” he murmured.

 

It had been too long since anyone touched her and Jyn didn’t know what to do.  Part of her knew it was an honest mistake since he was asleep so she shouldn’t be pissed off at how he was treating her and another part of her registered just how lovingly he said the phrase, whatever it was.

 

_ No one can love you.  You’ll always be alone. _

 

Her body trembled at the memory of those words and it took her a moment to pull herself together.  “Andor,” she said, pushing his hand away and leaning over to shake his shoulders. She ignored the way her fingers hesitated a breadth away from his skin or just how warm he felt when she finally did touch him.  Her hair fell forward, caressing his face. 

 

Abruptly, his eyes sprang open, registering how close she was.  “Roids!” he cried out and shoved her away from him while scrambled backward.  Shaking his head, he realized what he just did. “Shit--shit, sorry. Are you okay?  I didn’t mean to...”

 

“Roids, Andor, roids,” she murmured calmly, cutting off his apology.  “You didn’t do anything. Sounded like you were dreaming of someone else.”  

 

When she looked up, he seemed startled.  Glancing at his hands, his long, calloused fingers, flexing.  “Did I say something?” he asked after a moment, his voice disgustingly composed.

 

Taking a deep breath, she shook her head, and dropped her head back into her hands, threads of her bangs hanging down like a curtain.  “Not to me…”

 

“Erso, are you--”

 

She could feel the warmth of his hand before he touched her and she barked, “Don’t--don’t touch me.”

 

He pulled back, his eyes shut and his hands balling into fists.  “Shit, Erso--I’m so sorry.”

 

“Oh, fuck, Andor, you didn’t do a thing.”

 

“Then what else could it possibly be?”

 

Biting the inside of her cheek, she wondered if she could say it--could admit the truth that she had never had the chance to speak about.  Steadily, she looked into Cassian’s eyes and they did not waver, but rather stared at her curiously yet cautiously. It was weird that she had not known him for so long yet he was one of the few people that she felt that she could actually trust.  “I,” she began then bit her lip. “For a period of my life, I was raised by my father’s best friend.”

 

Unexpectedly, his hand was over hers, covering her shaking fingers in a gentle embrace.  Gradually, her eyes trailed up his wrist, to his forearm, to his elbow, to his shoulder and finally rested on his eyes.  

 

“If it is too much, you do not have to tell me.”

 

Her heart was grateful.  He offered her a way out of the explanation and would take her at her word.  That was a lot of trust that he gave to her and she was honored to have it. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes--how long had it been since someone trusted her at her word?  

 

“How about this,” she said, sniffing.  “We watch that sex scene in slow motion and then I’ll tell you.”

 

Cassian’s smile was blinding.  “Then you’re never going to tell me, I guess.”

 

* * *

 

Two weeks passed by and she had not really heard from her...what was he?  Colleague? Partner? No, that was too familiar. Collaborator? Friend? Despite being his neighbor, whenever she would pass by his door, she would find herself standing in front of it with her finger hovering just above the doorbell, frozen.  It was an insurmountable task that her finger refused to do --  _ just click the fucking button _ , she would mentally scream at it -- and she would end the fiasco by cursing to herself and stomping to her own door.

 

_ You do not have to tell me _ .

 

The words still rang in her ears.  It was one of the nicest things someone had ever said to her and she didn’t want to ruin the image she had created in her mind with the cold truth of reality.  Part of her felt that if she did see her neighbor again, that one moment would be ruined forever.

 

When she managed to get a good chunk of the way through rewrites, she realized that long looks were not going to suffice for her characters.  There needed to be more...something, but she did not know what exactly. She stared at the page on her computer for twelve minutes until the words started to blur together.

 

Jumping up, she thought about knocking on Cassian’s door, but the feeling of dread pervaded her gut and she decided to plop back down on her sofa, instead.  “It can’t be  _ this _ hard, can it?” she muttered.

 

A loud crashing sound jolted her out of her self pity and she sat up, shocked.  Suddenly, she was on her feet and running out of her apartment and over to his place.  Rapping on the door, she cried out, “Everything okay in there, Andor?”

 

Abruptly, the door whipped open and a short woman with long brown hair stormed out with her hands covering the lower portion of her face.  She looked devastated as she stormed passed Jyn and for a brief moment, Jyn could not help but watch her.

 

Turning her head back to the door, Cassian appeared, unfazed.  His dark eyes followed the woman for a second before he refocused his gaze on Jyn.  “Erso,” he acknowledged coldly. 

 

Feeling like she just stumbled into something she was not supposed to, she said in a rather quiet voice, “I heard a noise and wondered if you were okay.”

 

“Noble of you.”

 

“I’m a much better person than I look.”

 

“Then you must be a saint.”

 

Jyn’s eyes darted back to his and found him grinning lopsidedly.  Sarcasm. It had to be. Rolling her eyes, she pointed in the direction where the woman went.  “Anyway, is she going to be alright?”

 

“I don’t know,” he replied contemplatively.  Leaning against the door jamb, he crossed his arms and seemed to be lost in a thought.  It was then she noticed that he was dressed rather warmly in a brown leather jacket (that had seen better days), a plain white t-shirt and jeans.  “I honestly hope she will be.”

 

Was that his...was that a girlfriend?  Ex-girlfriend? Thinking back on the day they started talking  _ civilly _ , he had asked about a woman outside of their building.  Was that her? Not being able to help it, Jyn’s gaze turned back down the hallway but the woman had already disappeared down the staircase.  

 

“Will you be okay?” she asked.

 

Cassian seemed startled at her question.  It was slow, but a tiny, genuine smile lit his face.  He appeared less glacial than before--more human. “I’m fine.  Thank you for asking.”

 

Standing awkwardly in front of him, she had no idea what to do next.  A  _ normal _ person would understand the next steps but she had not lived a normal life so she did what came naturally to her; she slammed her fist into his shoulder, his body knocking backward, and gave him a thumbs up.  “Great. Well, if you need anything, let me know.”

 

_ RETREAT!   _ Her mind screamed at her and she tried to scurry away.

 

“Erso--we need to talk.”

 

_ SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT… _

 

Turning to him, she composed herself before giving him a wooden smile and asking lightly, “Oh?  About what?”

 

Stepping into the hallway, he stood so close in front of her that she could practically feel his heat.  “About what I was hired--” he lifted his hand, but even though she tried to hide it as best as she could, she flinched.  His eyes narrowed slightly and he rested his palm against the wall. “...to do,” he finished his thought with his brows furrowed. 

 

“Yes,” Jyn agreed feeling her body practically sigh with relief.  She thought he was going to touch her and the thought had given her anxiety.  “Did you want to do that now?”

 

“N--no.  Tomorrow would be better; I just have to finish some stuff up...clean up after someone, uh, threw something.”

 

That’s right.  The woman. Enthusiastically nodding, she said, “Okay.  Would 10:00 a.m. work for you?”

 

“Yeah--I’ve got an appointment at 11 so I can’t stay too long...but Erso.”

 

“Yes?”

 

Angling his chin away, he seemed to be staring passed her at a thought that could not quite materialize.  “Are you okay with this...arrangement?”

 

She scoffed.  “Of course I am.”  She could finally push through her writer’s block and get on with her story, give it to Kay and dance a short jig.

 

“But are you really?”

 

Crossing her arms, she stood her ground and glared at him defiantly.  Did he see something he was not ready to reveal? “Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“Because,” he whispered and swamed in so close that his lips ghosted her ear causing her to freeze.  “Whenever I go near you, you quiver.”

 

Before she could offer an answer, he had drifted away.     
  


* * *

 

=10:00 a.m.=

 

There was something she hated about meetings.  She already  _ disliked _ most people and to have to actually meet with one due to a pre-arrangement was daunting.  Tapping her pencil against the island table, she spent most of that morning glaring at her doorway as if it had betrayed her. 

 

When the knock finally came, she had worked herself into a frenzy.  Her previously neatly combed hair was now a messy tangle and pen marks were smeared on the corner of her lips from all the times she had nibbled on them.  Several sheets of paper were crumbled on the island--thoughts scribbled quickly and tossed to the side.

 

Cassian, however, was the opposite of her.  Dark trousers and a plain buttoned down shirt adorned his body, but he wore it very well.  Biting the inside of her cheek, she managed a caustic, “Welcome” as she stepped away from the door and returned to pacing in front of the island.

 

Slipping off his shoes, he said, “We don’t have to do this.”

 

“No, I need to.  I’m stuck in my book and I need the characters to do...something, but...I don’t know where to go as far as development.”   Again her fingers traveled to her hair and only then did she realize it was a tangled mess.

 

“Okay, so what have the characters been doing?”

 

“Well, a whole lot of this,” and Jyn gave him a mimicry of the sultry look he had thrown at her last time.  “Followed by a lot of--,” she became coquettish, tilting her chin downward and staring up at him from beneath her lashes.  Her body swayed provocatively and she did her best to look enticing.

 

“Stop that,” he said while turning his head away and shutting his eyes.  “It...doesn’t suit you.”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s your fault since you asked.”

 

“Next time use your words.”

 

“It’s easier to act it out.”

 

“You’re a writer.”

 

“Who is currently stuck in the middle of writer’s block and wondering what comes next!”

 

Cassian huffed.   “Fine, what do you think would happen if someone did this,” and he acted out a caricature of her coquettishness.

 

She couldn’t help it and began to smile.  He looked so weird, wiggling his body from side to side and she wondered if she looked as strange as he did.   “I would strangle them.”

 

Suddenly, he stopped moving and gave her a short nod.  “And I would help hide the body,” he deadpanned. “So, let’s think.”  Leaning against her island, he crossed his arms and watched her closely.  “Two people, who  _ obviously _ like each other…

 

“They’re in different branches,” Jyn said, mirroring his stance by also leaning against her island and crossing her arms.

 

“So, the seem to be always far apart…”

 

It took Jyn a second to piece it together. “Would find a way to touch?” she asked hesitantly.  When he merely shrugged, she looked up at him resolutely. “Andor, touch me.” She held up her hand, palm side up and dared him with her eyes to reject her.  It took all of her courage not to shake even though that’s all she wanted to do.

 

His body was rigid for a second before he slowly uncrossed his arms and walked a few steps to stand directly in front of her.  “Okay, but let me know when you want me to stop.”

 

Cassian’s fingers were tentative, reaching out to her hesitantly before the first traces of his warmth were against her palm.  All of her senses were attuned to him--she could smell the soap that he had used for his shower; she could hear his soft breathing that had a calm rhythm, and she could see his eyes following the trail of his fingertips against her all too sensitive skin.  Languidly, he traveled to her wrists, his thumb drawing mini circles along her flesh, eliciting a feeling of yearning and craving but she didn’t know what for. 

 

Suddenly, his eyes were upon her, watching her face for any reaction as he slid his finger tips up and down her forearm in a slow, hypnotic path, meant to soothe.  Her body swayed toward him, wanting to feel more.

 

She jumped slightly when his other hand joined in.  He paused and waited for her to nod her head before he continued.  Carefully, with that hand, he slid her hair behind her ear, the tip trailing against her cheek then against the sensitive skin behind her ear and along her jaw before it slid lower, cupping her neck.

 

Her tongue snaked out, wetting her lips and drawing his eyes toward it.

 

Cassian’s hands quivered and his head dipped slightly.  “Roids,” he muttered as he suddenly dropped his hands and did an about face.  Running a rather shaky hand through his hair, he turned to her and asked, “How was that?”

 

Her entire being was still caught in the trance and she could not move for a few seconds.  “I...it was…” she cleared her throat thinking that her own voice sounded funny to her ears.  “It was what I was looking for.”

 

“Good.  Let me know when you want me to woo you next, okay?”

 

“Yeah...okay...uh, I’ll be in touch.”  Her cheeks reddened at her own choice of words, but she refused to look at him to see what his response would be.  Soon after, he had walked out the door, muttering something about an appointment.

 

* * *

 

She actually needed him sooner than she thought she would.  It hadn’t even been a few days when she was knocking on his door.  Spending a majority of 48 hours furiously typing, she realized she had written herself into a corner.  Deciding that she needed practical experience, she found herself standing in front of his apartment dressed in a thin shirt, yoga pants and an overly large coat.

 

When he finally opened the door, his hair in disarray and appearing in a white shirt and pajama bottoms, she realized 3 in the morning might not be the most ideal time.

 

Breezing past him, she turned around and said, “I need you to slam me up against the wall and press against me.”

 

“Roids, Erso--boundaries.  Can’t this wait until morning?”

 

“No, I’m at this one scene that is pretty hectic and the antagonist throws the protagonist against the wall as a surprise to protect her so I need you--”

 

She didn’t get to finish what she was saying because he forcefully shoved her against the wall, his entire length pressed against her.  The momentary shock wore off, but it was good--she needed that for her writing, and she made mental notes. 

 

“Like this,” he murmured into her ear, the soft purr of air cascading against her causing her body to shiver.  Jyn could feel the rumble of his laughter in his chest. “Did you like that, Erso?”

 

“Yeah,” she gasped, honestly.  “It felt intense.”

 

His hand slid up her back and pulled her even closer so that every bit of her was touching him.  It was intoxicating and she found herself leaning purposely pressing more of herself into him. His body consumed her thoughts and her skin felt fiery yet hungering for more contact.  Her hands itched to move and she found herself involuntarily weaving her fingers into his hair.

 

Cassian hummed his pleasure which caused her to curiously try something more.

 

Running her hand in his scalp, the other began to trace patterns up his thigh, then ventured higher, onto his back.  She was hesitant about slipping her hands beneath his shirt--not knowing if that would be considered “too much” but she still wanted to try.  She could feel his body sink even more into her, followed by a sharp snore that broke the moment. 3 am really was an impractical time.

 

“Andor...hey, Andor--you’re too heavy for me to carry you back to your bed.”

 

* * *

 

Jyn was at the local coffee shop when someone stood next to her.  Glancing up, she saw her neighbor smiling down at her. He was dressed impeccably in a nice buttoned down, long-sleeved shirt and dark trousers.  “Looking sharp, Andor,” she said and bumped him with her shoulder. Part of her realized that she would never had done this two weeks ago--would have avoided touch altogether--but that she actually felt comfortable with him.  “Got a hot date?”

 

Cassian shrugged slightly.  “Interview, actually.”

 

“Oh?  Hope you get the part.”

 

There were slight tight lines around his mouth, but he forcibly pulled his lips into a smile.  “Yeah,” he responded. Glancing back at her, he asked, “You doing something fun today?” 

 

Pulling a face, she stepped forward as the line moved up.  “Going to see Kay and watch him butcher my new manuscript.”

 

“Think he’ll hate it?” he asked.  His eyes were scanning the crowd and it made her feel slightly nervous.  She followed his sightline, but didn’t see anything except for random people on their phones or laptops while their drinks lay forgotten in front of them.  Maybe his interview was at the coffee shop?

 

“I don’t know what he thinks--well, except that he hates me,” she muttered.

 

Cassian shook his head and focused on her.  “He doesn’t hate you.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“You still work with him, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Then he likes you.” They were at the register and she placed her order, then Cassian pulled his card out, placed his order and paid for their drinks.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Oh, this isn't free, Erso.  You owe me a coffee.”

 

Smirking, she said, “Smooth, Andor.  Is this your way of asking me out?”

 

“And if it was?”

 

She shoved him in the shoulder and took her black coffee from the barista.  “Quit goofing off. I’ll see you later.”

 

* * *

 

She stood in front of Kay, fidgeting as he read through the first third of her book.  His pen lazily made notes, but he was tipped in a certain way where she could not quite see what he was writing.  Every now and then, he would glare at her over his glasses, and she knew that he was being an asshole on purpose. 

 

“Better,” her editor said as he handed back her manuscript.  There were far less scribbles on the pages and he had even drawn a star.

 

Jyn pointed to it.  “This was uncalled for.”

 

“I ran out of gold stickers.”

 

Shoving the manuscript back into her bag, she stared at Kay for a second longer and noticed his somewhat frown.  He had never shown any visible emotion so it unnerved her slightly. “Was there something more you wanted to say?”

 

Tapping his fingers against his desk, his lips compressed into a tight, thin line.  “There are many things that I want to say,” Kay hedged.

 

Jyn’s interests were peeked.  She had never seen Kay hold himself back from criticism.  “I meant that has something to do with that frown on your face.”

 

Opening his mouth, it appeared like he was about to enter one of his infamous diatribes until it suddenly closed and he turned to look at his computer.  “No, there is nothing. I was merely thinking of something I had to do later today.”

 

Sinking into the chair opposite of him, Jyn glared at him.  “You’re a terrible liar, Kay. You have nothing to do later today.  You stay in the office and wait for your next victim.”

 

“Well, I am more prone to honesty.  I have to be in order to be a good editor.”

 

It was the way he refused to look at her that got her hackles up.  Carefully, she leaned over his desk and, with one finger, pushed his chin until his gold eyes met her green ones.  “So why are you lying now?”

 

Kay worked his jaw, and she could practically see the debate going on in his head.  “You’re glowing,” he finally accused.

 

“What?”   
  


“Glowing.  Your skin--it’s...youthful.”

 

“I’m young,” she bit back.

 

“No, that’s not what I meant.  I meant that you’re different--happy, almost, and I am wondering if it has to do with...” he trailed off, his hands waving around in the air as if he were trying to catch the words that eluded him. 

 

“My book?” she asked. “It’s finally coming together so of course I am happy.  Plus I didn’t know my happiness was a red flag of some sort.”

 

“Well, I hope that is the only thing making you happy,” he snapped then turned back to his computer.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“Just wondering how you are getting the inspiration for your tale.  The descriptors are quite well done.”

 

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

 

“Of course it is.”

 

“You have a fucked up way of showing it.”

 

“I--I’m just…” he sputtered.  Was he short circuiting?

 

“Just spit it out, Kay.  It’s not like you to hold back.”

 

“What exactly is your relationship with Cassian?”

 

The long silence that greeted her was a shock to her system.  It was the first time, in a while, where she felt a loss for words.  “Colleagues. Neighbors.”  _ Friends? _ The last word refused to be voiced.

 

“That’s it?”

 

She tried to say friends again, but couldn’t.  Finally, she nodded and stared at Kay directly in the eyes.  “Yes. From my perspective, that is.”

 

Deflating, Kay let out a long sigh.  “Oh. Okay, good.”

 

For the first time, Jyn wondered who Cassian Andor really was.  She didn’t know him too well--they only had a few moments with one another and each time, she learned something more about herself but she didn’t really know anything about him.   _ Who is Cassian Andor?   _ “Kay, what is it that you’re not telling me?”

 

The way his jaw flickered let her know that he would not tell her what it was that she probably needed to know.  “Just...just don’t get too close to him.”

 

“Are you worried about me?”

 

“Shit, I am.  Who would have thought?”

 

* * *

 

Cassian sat in the coffee shop, waiting and feeling like utter shit.  He  _ hated _ that he was doing this-- _ hated _ that he  _ had _ to do this but he needed the money.

 

The man he had been waiting for slipped into the shop and Cassian knew at once, practically feeling the air shift around him.  Holding himself stiffly, he carefully schooled his face until it was stoic; knowing how to act meant that he had an advantage during these interviews.  Looking down at his coffee, he swirled the cup slightly and watched the liquid lap around the edges of the cup and for a second, he imagined drowning in the depths.

 

“Andor,” the man said as he oozed into the seat across from him.  “Do you have any updates?”

 

Inwardly, he sighed.  Catching the man’s eyes, Cassian was amazed at how he had  _ her _ eyes…


	4. Curiouser and Curiouser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was six years old when he was caught reading in the library. He wasn’t supposed to know how to read let alone understand their language so he knew right away that he was in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetad...read at your own risk.

He was six years old when he was caught reading in the library.  He wasn’t supposed to know how to read let alone understand their language so he knew right away that he was in trouble.  

 

The master of the house was an older man with reddish hair that seemed to be thinning and, despite his age, his mind was sharper than anyone the boy had ever met.  The older man circled the boy like a shark, his eyes gleaming in the darkness. “Your name?” he asked in an inky voice that dripped of malice.

 

Cringing, the boy stared at his shoes that were much too small for his growing feet.  “I was sent to clean this place.”

 

“That was not my question,” the older man said as he sat behind an overly large desk.  Carefully, the wrinkled fingers came together as he clasped them on top of the table and stared at the boy expectantly. 

 

The boy gulped, feeling true fear.  The rest of the staff had warned him about this man but he had been careless, trapped in the world of the book.  “Aldo.”

 

“Well, Aldo," the master said slowly, drawing the boy's attention, "the next time you lie, hold the other person’s gaze; never turn away.  And, if you are not ready to lie, extend the conversation with a question or statement that throws your target’s focus in another direction.  So,” he smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes, “what is your name?”

 

The boy bit the inside of his cheek but forced himself to hold the elder man's stare as if daring him to tell whether or not he was being honest.  “Cassian.” 

 

For a brief second, there was a flicker of humor in the aging eyes.  “Are you hungry, Cassian?”

 

If only he had said no, Cassian wondered if his life would have been vastly different.     
  


* * *

 

Shoving the computer aside, she stared at it as if it had completely malfunctioned. The blank page stared back at her, accusingly, wondering why it appeared so damned naked. “I’m sorry,” she yelled at it before slamming the laptop closed.  

 

Scratching her cheek, she looked around her living room and pulled up crumpled pieces of paper with notes written in the corners, wondering if she could piece something together but no matter how she tried to fit them together, the next chapter wasn’t forming.  Jumping up from her couch, she paced around the room, wondering how to dissolve writer’s block so she could continue onto the final section of her book. With her two leads about to face a possibly tragic outcome, what should they do beforehand?

 

Promptly, she stopped and stared at the wall that separated her and her neighbor.  Every time she saw Cassian, her writer’s block would evaporate and she knew where she had to go and what to do; he centered her scattered thoughts and made things easier to figure out.  Without further ado, she darted to the wall and knocked on it, incessantly.

 

Within seconds, she heard her doorbell chime frantically and she jogged toward it while straightening her way too large T-shirt.  Opening the door, he instantly fell forward, grabbing her shoulders and scrutinized her. Worry was painted on his face as he checked for something, but when he didn’t find it, he physically relaxed and leaned against her door frame looking as if he could no longer stand on his own.  “What is it,” he mumbled.

 

Crossing her arms over her chest, she gave him a once over.  For the first time since they met, he was unkempt. His hair was in disarray and he wore a tight fitting black tank top with pajama pants that were slung way too low on his hips.  He looked...delectable was the word that kept resurfacing in her brain and she tried her best not to think about tasting him. “Is that how you answer someone’s call?”

 

“You didn’t call.  You knocked. Relentlessly.”  Shoving past her, he shook off his slippers and went into her kitchen.  Standing in front of her island, he bent over until his forearms and head touched the counter.  He seemed exhausted but she had no idea why until she peered at the clock on her wall. 4:21 a.m. Shit. 

 

“I didn’t know if you were awake.”

 

“I’m not supposed to be awake for another hour,” he muttered through his arms.

 

“Well, good, that means you have time.”

 

Instantaneously, he whirled around and pinned her to her spot with a cold, disgruntled look.  Meeting it with defiance, she lifted her chin and narrowed her eyes, challenging him. For what felt like an eternity, they merely stared at one another, his eyes gingerly cascading down her body before languidly crawling back up.  Jyn felt exposed while being inspected and briefly wondered what he was thinking as his eyes hesitated on her neck, the corner of her eye and finally her mouth. “Time for what?” he asked curiously, yet cautiously.

 

Speaking before she could properly think, Jyn ordered, “Kiss me."

 

A soft breath escaped her lips as her brain finally caught up with her lips.  She was about to blurt out 'just kidding,’ but before she could blink he was immediately in her personal space, his fingers cupping her cheek delicately as his eyes bore into her.  She could feel his thumb skirting over her lips and her tongue flicked out, chasing it. 

 

"You shouldn't invite men into your apartment and make requests like that."  Whether it was because of the hour or the fact that they were too close, his voice was soft yet scratchy, completely enraptured with her.  There was something in the flicker of his gaze that made her feel warmer than she had ever felt before.

 

"Why not?" she asked breathlessly, unable to rip her eyes away from his.  She could feel tendrils of his hair caressing her forehead.

 

"Because," he said as his thumb slowly traced the corner of her mouth, "you might get what you want."

 

Tipping her head upward, Jyn parted her mouth and said,  "Good," as she surged forward and captured his lips with her own.   
  


* * *

 

The red haired man continued to flip through the paperwork that Cassian had handed to him, reading each section painfully slow.  It was something that the master had done all his life. Patience was always key.

 

Inside the library, the heat was unbearable especially with the fireplace going and even though he could feel a trickle of sweat sliding down his forward, Cassian continued to stand stoically with his hands clasped loosely behind his back.  Learning long ago that showing any discomfort was a sign of weakness, he had managed to always school his features into nonchalance.

 

“You’ve been compromised,” the master noted as he finished scrutinizing the final page.  At last he tossed the papers into the fire, watching the flames lick each meticulously crafted sentence.

 

“That should not make a difference.  As an actor, they do not think of me as a threat.”

 

“But still, you believe you have been compromised.”  The old man’s piercing eyes pinned Cassian to his spot.  Ten years under the master’s tutelage meant that he knew that if there was any remote fear in his gut, he needed to speak of it to the master.  Trust instincts as that is a person's only savior. 

 

“It is.”

 

The master withdrew his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.  By the way his eyebrows drew down a fraction of a millimeter, Cassian already knew that the outcome would not be favorable.  “Stand down, boy. You are no longer part of this operation.”

 

This was the only life Cassian had known--the only way he knew how to make money and keep his fragile family--or at least what was left of it--together.  Despite feeling the world beneath his feet completely crumble, Cassian said, “If that is what you wish.” 

 

“It isn’t, but you are too valuable as a person to be lost in this,” the master replied kindly, tilting his head toward the fire.  “You need to lie low for a few years. Keep clean. We can make it seem like you are trying your hand at starting your acting career in a more known area.  I have a friend who may be able to help you.”

 

* * *

  
  
Dragging her trash down the hallway, she froze upon seeing Cassian leaning against the wall by the staircase, his hand pressed against his forehead And his eyes completely shut.  She hadn’t seen him since the morning they had kissed and even thinking of that moment, she could feel her cheeks redden. It was hot--better than any kiss she had ever had and it had been fueled by a passion she had never known. His tongue was wicked; his hands were exquisite.  Everything about that moment was overwhelming and she didn’t know what would have happened if his phone hadn’t interrupted them. He seemed reluctant to leave and that memory gave her hope.

 

When he still hadn't moved, she knew that something was wrong.  "Andor?" 

 

Jyn could practically see his body tense as he drew his hand away.  Warm brown eyes met hers and he offered her a shaky smile. She could tell he was trying his best to hide the fact that he was sick even though he was failing miserably.  “Yeah, Erso?”

 

"You look like shit," she blurted out, her eyes staring at his pale skin.  

 

“And you know how to make a guy feel great,” he mumbled back without any bite.  His eyes fell to her lips before turning away.

 

"Wait right here--I just have to--" she lifted the bag of trash to emphasis her intent then scurried to the trash chute.  

 

When she returned, he had sank to the floor with his arms propped on his knees.  Hurrying over to him, she was about to grab his wrist but he yanked it away. "Stubborn," she hissed.  

 

Ignoring his feeble protest, she clamped her hand on his arm and, by sheer force of will, pulled him to his feet.  The great thing about their height difference was that she fit perfectly under the crook of his arm which meant that she was comfortable as she helped him hobble to his door.  The bad thing about it was that she was very aware of his overly heated body pressed against her side and even in his sickened state, she admitted, only slightly, that his solid warmth was igniting her other senses.

 

Cassian fished for his keys and handed them to her.  His jaw flexed and she knew whatever comment he was about to spout was being swallowed.

 

He seemed to hesitate at the threshold before letting her lead him inside, but she wasn’t quite sure.  By the time she helped him to a rickety old couch in the living room, she realized that there were no appliances, no pictures or  anything except for the couch and an old computer that laid on the floor. It was as if no one lived there and the warning that Kay had given her resurfaced.  Cassian’s soft cough, however, drove the thought away.

 

When he slid into it, he let out a soft, contented sigh.  "Thank you," he said.

 

Concerned, Jyn bent over until she was nose to nose with him.  Lifting her hand, she rested it against his hot head, surprised by the intensity of the heat.  Cassian leaned into it, his eyes shutting with relief and a soft moan escaped his lips that could only be described as erotic.  It sounded familiar. She couldn't help smirking at the recollection even though she was worried. “Feeling better?”

 

“You feel good,” he said. 

 

The compliment was too distracting.  “And you feel like the sun,” she said primly while removing her hand.  He really was too warm. “Have you gone to the doctor?”

 

He shook his head and slid further into the couch.  “Can’t afford it.”

 

“Nonsense.  I can handle it and you can pay me back.”

 

Jyn turned but was stopped by his hand gripping her fingers.  She looked back at him, slightly startled, and saw desperation in his eyes.  “No--no doctor. Please.”

 

For a long moment, she didn’t say anything as memories of her mother lying motionless in a hospital bed haunted her vision.  Blinking, she nodded brokenly and said, “Fine. But at least let me get you medicine. I should have something in my apartment.”

 

Still, he hadn’t removed his hand.  Instead, he pulled her closer so that she stood between his knees and placed her hand back on his forehead.  “Two more minutes of this, please?”

 

Jyn was pretty sure at this point she resembled a tomato and was thankful that he had shut his eyes once again.  “Since you asked nicely.”

 

“Thanks.”  He unconsciously smiled and managed to look years younger.  “Sometimes, I wish you weren't so nice to me.”

 

“Oh yeah? Why is that?”

 

His smile slowly faded away and she found that she missed it.  “I don't deserve it.”

 

“Why?  Do something terrible?”

 

“Depends on who you ask.”  She didn't quite know how to respond to that so she focused on rubbing her thumb against his temple in small circles.  

 

After a moment, he opened his eyes and peered at her, hurt mixed with realization swirling around in the depths.  “Jyn,” he whispered hoarsely and she was startled to hear her first name on his lips. “You don’t have to help me.”

 

“I know,” she replied, and a tentative smile lit her face.  “But I want to.”

 

* * *

 

Kay was a tall man with a shiny bald head and a mouth that could disintegrate a wall with all that acid that spewed out of it.  Cassian immediately took a liking to him and found himself helping the rather acerbic gentleman navigate through social circles.

 

“You worked for him,” Cassian once said as they sat in Cassian’s new home, drinking.  He didn’t have to imply who he was referring to as the red haired man seemed to bleed into everything that they did and touched.

 

“At one time my services were needed,” Kay responded stoically.  Taking a long drag from his beer, he stared around the empty room and frowned.  “We need to get you furniture--something to make it looked like you’ve been living here.”

 

“I don’t have much money and whatever I do own goes to my sisters.”

 

“You spoil them.”

 

Thinking about his sisters, he frowned.  They didn’t understand why he had to go and their tears were something he could not easily forget.  After his parents passed, it was just the three of them navigating through life--now it was only the two of them there.  “They should be spoiled.”

 

“Just because you live far away from them doesn’t mean you’ve abandoned them.”

 

“It feels like it, though.”  Finishing his second beer, he set the bottle on the ground and squinted at Kay.  “You’ve been out here a while, haven’t you?”

 

“I have.”

 

“So,” he pondered how to frame his next question and realized he didn’t have to do that for Kay, “how do you live in exile?”

 

Shrugging, Kay also set his bottle on the ground right next to Cassian’s.  “You don’t, really. You merely exist in exile.”

 

* * *

 

Cassian passed out and Jyn began to get nervous.  Reaching for her phone, she dialed the only person she could think of, Kay, and had him rush over to help.

 

“He does this all the time,” Kay muttered while removing his sports coat.  Touching Cassian’s forehead with tentative fingers, he frowned and immediately pulled back.  “Working day and night and causing himself to get sick, the idiot.”

 

“So what do we do?” Jyn asked while pacing around nervously.  "He doesn't want to see the doctor and the medicine I gave him doesn't seem to be working."  She was glad that Kay seemed to be a source of calm in the situation.

 

Shrugging, he said, “As long as his fever breaks, it should be fine.  Maybe laying in a clean bed would help, but…”

 

Biting her thumb nervously, her eyes shot toward Kay who looked slightly flustered.  “But what?”

 

“He doesn’t have a bed.”

 

“What?”

 

“I told him that he should purchase one but he’s almost as stubborn as you are.”

 

“I’m not stubborn--I’m persistent.”

 

“Hence the 15 calls that you gave me before I picked up.”

 

“It got you here, didn’t it?”

 

Glaring at her, he reached for Cassian and pulled him up easily.  “His clothes are soaked through so I will change him beforehand. You get your bed ready.”

 

“My bed?”

 

Sighing, Kay rolled his eyes.  “We can’t bring him to mine. I live across town and do not want to carry him that far--nor do I want his germs.”

 

“What makes you think that I’d want them?” Jyn asked.

 

Kay merely gave her a look.

 

* * *

 

His youngest sister was sick.

 

The news was devastating as he read the email from his other sister who had left school as soon as she could.  They had been in the hospital all day and had no idea what caused the illness. The doctors had requested that she be put into a coma to help with tests but the cost--the cost of all of this…

 

Kay stared at him.  “You could get more work?”

 

“Acting gigs aren’t in high demand,” Cassian murmured as he read through the email again.  He missed his sisters. He should be there with them, letting the younger go back to school while he took care of the elder one.

 

Pushing the phone aside, Kay appeared in his view.  “With your skillset, you don’t have to be an actor, Cassian.  I have two clients that are in need of a private investigator--Lando Calrissian is looking for his shyster of a partner, Han Solo, that disappeared a few days ago.  Then I have a Leia Organa who is searching for her twin brother. I’m sure more work could be found.”

 

It would be solid jobs--something that could mean regular money.  “Do you know how much they’ll pay?”

 

“Enough,” Kay replied.

 

Staring at the email once again, he felt his head begin to nod.  It wasn’t like he had any other choices. The master had not called him since his exile began and he had no other way of helping his sisters.

 

Being in exile was shit.

 

* * *

 

When he woke up, he had no idea what time it was let alone what day it was.  All he knew was that he was not in his apartment since he didn't own a bed. The sheets that wrapped around his torso smelled vaguely familiar and he breathed deeply, trying to recall who owned the scent.  Suddenly, her face flashed in his mind’s eye. Jyn. 

 

Cautiously, he opened his eyes and the real world started to seep in.  Jyn was laying beside him, her calloused fingers weaving into his hair unconsciously while she spoke to someone on a phone.  Her back was propped up by a few pillows and her hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head. For once there were no ink splotches on her face and he found that he missed the smudges.

 

“Really,” she gasped out.  “That’s fucking insane.”

 

Nodding her head to whatever the other person was saying she suddenly looked down at him and as their eyes clashed, her cheeks reddened at being caught petting him.  Pulling away, she gave him a tentative smile that blossomed into an evil grin that made his stomach drop. “Is that so? I’ll have to try that one out. He’s awake by the way.”  She moved the phone away from her mouth and whispered, “Do you want to speak to your sisters?”

 

Despite his weakened state, Cassian sat up, his eyes wide and startled.  That was the last thing he expected but as he started to focus more, he realized she was on his phone. 

 

“Yeah, that was him,” she said.  “He’s shitting his pants as I speak.”

 

Knowing his sisters would be talking about this for weeks, he tried to snatch the phone from Jyn, but she swiveled out of the way and hopped out of the bed, laughing.

 

“Okay, I’ll let him know.  You’ve got my number now, right?”

 

Cassian’s entire body froze and he could no longer remember how to function as two worlds he tried so desperately to keep apart had suddenly crashed together while he slept.  

 

Jyn hung up the phone and placed it on the nightstand with a triumphant grin, while he watched silently.  At least, he realized, it wasn’t a scowl which hopefully meant that his sisters did not tell Jyn everything that they could possibly tell her.  “What did you just do?” he hissed, unable to control his normally manageable emotions.

 

“They kept calling--I was afraid you’d wake up.” Her stare had fallen to his chest.  

 

Adjusting his body self-consciously, he bit out the word, “Bullshit.”

 

Shrugging, she said, “Believe what you want to believe, Captain Stuffy.”

 

“It rang once and you picked it up automatically.”

 

Her skin paled dramatically as she circled him and he knew he had guessed correctly.  “Are you a fucking mind reader?” she threw back at his face, her smile losing some edge.

 

“You’re just too predictable.”

 

“Is that so?” By the way her left leg tensed, he could tell that she was going to do something, but he didn’t expect her to be so fast.  Before he could react, she had launched herself toward him, successfully tackling him so that he landed on the bed with her on top of him.  Mercilessly, she began to tickle his sides and he squirmed, trying to shove her off, yet not knowing where to put his hands. “Your sisters told me about your weak spots and I promised them that I’d do this on their behalf.”

 

It took him a full minute to finally twist and flip her so that she was beneath him, tears streaking down his cheeks.  Pinning her wrists above her head while ignoring the fact that she felt so fucking good, he growled, “Low, Erso. Very low.”

 

She still wore a large grin on her face.  “They said you deserve it for worrying them so much,” she murmured while trying to yank her arms out of his hands but he held on tighter, fearing what she would do.  When he wouldn’t budge, she gave up. “By the way, glad you’re not dead.”

 

“Only so you could continue torturing me, right?”

 

“Life wouldn’t be the same if I couldn’t cause you pain.”

 

He wanted to kiss her again.  The thought was so abrupt but persistent and he knew he was lost. “I’m sure you’d survive.”

 

“Yes, but with less smiles.”

 

“Good to know that I serve some sort of purpose on this world.”  Sitting back on his haunches, he let his hands drift to his knees, ready to pin her if she tried anything else.  Keeping his eyes on her fingers, he asked, “How long have I been out?”

 

She pushed herself up and glanced at him, looking sheepish.  “Two days.”

 

Two days.  Turning, he sat at the edge of the bed and went through his schedule mentally.  There were contacts he was supposed to call and paperwork he needed to send out.  There was also the money he still had to transfer. Shit, it was all overwhelming until he felt a soft nudge at his elbow and turned to see Jyn sitting next to him, casually encircling her arm in his.  She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he could see dark circles beneath his eyes. She was exhausted. 

 

Had she been taking care of him the entire time?  What in the world possessed her to do something so selfless when he only deserved her wrath.

 

“Kay came by while you were passed out,” she whispered into the void.  “He told me to tell you that he'd handle your business but he expects full payment when you get better.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Well, he said  _ if  _ you get better but I thought that the word ‘when’ sounded more optimistic.”

 

Now she was looking at her hands that seemed to fumble all over one another, a sign of nervousness.  Not being able to help himself, he covered her hands with his and squeezed, offering her the same comfort she gave him.  There was something in the way she behaved that worried him. “What else happened?”

 

Jyn licked her lips and glanced up into his brown eyes.  There was a deep seeded worry that made him lose his breath.  “A lot,” she replied. 

 

Cassian grew anxious.  He realized that he didn't want to lose her but she was already lost to him.  It took all his willpower to look relaxed and listen closely to her as she explained what Kay had done and how he had ended up at her place.

 

“You, uh, talked in your sleep.”  

 

“And,” he prompted when she fell into silence, “What did I say?”

 

“A lot of things that I didn’t understand and a lot of things that I didn’t want to know.”  Her lips twisted as if she were fighting her next words. “You knew my dad’s name.”

 

“Jyn,” he began but wasn’t quite sure what to say.  The way she stayed near him--the way she curled closer to him--it was as if she weren’t afraid or upset.  How much did she know? 

 

“You should rest, Cassian.  We can talk in the morning.”  Gently, she pulled him back into bed and pulled the sheets around the both of him.  Resting her head on his shoulder and throwing a leg around his middle, she yawned.

 

“You’re not mad?”

 

Tossing him a smile, she said, “Oh, I’m livid--just too tired to deal with it.”

 

Pulling her closer, enjoying the feel of her, he whispered into her hair as he brushed his lips over her temple.  “Tomorrow’s going to be fun, isn’t it?”

 

“So fun,” she murmured as sleep overcame her.

 

Cassian stared at her a moment longer before he stretched out and shut off her light.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry--not to get into too much detail but I accidentally DRAINED MY LIFE ENERGY and it took some time to start writing again. Thank you to everyone who is sticking with the story, taking time to send comments (so glad to know that there are people reading it) or Kudos. Thank you for not killing me especially with that cliffhanger (that, btw, took me by surprise but it seemed to fit and wouldn’t go away even when I tried to change it).


	5. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...seeing her broken smile grow into something more genuine, getting to know her, laughing with her, challenging her and talking with her...it sparked something inside him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mental abuse and death...

_ Jyn at age 18 _

 

She was absolutely persistent and a pain in the ass.  Kay wanted to shove the small feral thing far away from him but eyeing the little kid across the street with an iPhone trained in his direction, he didn’t think it would be a good idea.  The last thing he needed was to be an internet sensation especially when he was trying his best to lie low.

 

Jyn Erso had been introduced to him by his assistant one afternoon but upon meeting, he had immediately ruled her out as his client; there was no way he could deal with an angry, young punk that was spoiling for a fight--not with the already acerbic way that he spoke.  It was illogical at best, but his assistant, Chirrut, said that it would be a good opportunity and revealed that Kay is the best in the business. The look she gave him changed from one of complete annoyance to someone who was ready to hunt.

 

Not only did she manage to figure out where he worked, but she knew his gym, his favorite coffee shop and every doctor’s appointment he would make then would appear at those locations beforehand.  

 

“Just read it,” she said as she shoved a manuscript in his chest.  “If it’s shit, then you’ll never hear from me again.”

 

“Promise?”

 

She held up a pinky in front of his nose and said, “Pinky swear.”

 

Rolling his eyes, he knocked her hand away.  Flipping to the first page, he read a paragraph.  It was in the opening line--the way it hooked him and made him actually  _ feel _ the melancholy and anguish that afflicted the protagonist that made him continue from the first page to the next and then the next.  Kay bit his lip, then cursed.

 

“What?” her voice betrayed a note of fear but when he looked up, she didn’t look afraid.  If anything, she looked peeved as if he were the one wasting her time.

 

“It’s fucking good.  Does this mean I’ll have to deal with you forever?”

 

She didn’t say anything, but there was a slight movement on her face that belayed her shock.

 

Giving her a good glare, Kay huffed and started walking.  When he didn’t hear her footsteps, he turned and frowned. “Well, aren’t you coming?  There are many preliminary things that we must discuss since I am to work with you going forward.”

 

For a long time, Jyn Erso stared at him before giving him a determined nod and jogging to catch up to him.  

 

* * *

 

_ Current Time _

 

Cassian woke before she did, startling at the feel of her tears sliding down his neck.  It was the middle of the night and in her sleep she had managed to tuck herself into his embrace, her head on his chest and his arm circling her back.  

 

It surprised him just how small she really was.  Jyn held herself with so much grandeur that she seemed larger than life; but in sleep, everything about her seemed delicate.  The soft hair that framed her apple cheeks tickled him so he carefully brushed it away from her face. As his eyes followed the movement, they traced the slope of her lips and he was mesmerized.  Cassian remembered their kiss and how sinful it felt to drink of her beauty. He was so intoxicated by her and couldn't help that he wanted more. It wasn't right. He lied to her, after all.

 

If only he had told her right away that her father was alive.  If only he had pushed Galen harder to see her. If only he hadn't been annoyed that Leia didn't show up that first night then he wouldn't have gotten so drunk with Jyn.  If only Leia had shown up. If only he hadn’t been compromised. If only he hadn’t followed the master.

 

If only, if only, if only...His life was filled with them.

 

Moving and being in exile had been shit.  Working on cases and living off of nothing while he sent whatever he could back home had been difficult.  Finding out his sister was sick and in a coma was unbearable. Not being there when she finally woke up was tragic.  

 

But finding Jyn, seeing her broken smile grow into something more genuine, getting to know her, laughing with her, challenging her and talking with her...it sparked something inside him that he thought had been dead since he was six years old.  It was a strange feeling, knowing that he would do anything to see her smile even if it meant taking himself out of her life.

 

Caressing her cheek with his free hand, he whispered to her in his tongue, “I'm sorry, my love; I hope you forgive me.  And although I'm not a perfect man, I will do my best to always do right by you.”

 

As if responding, Jyn let out a sharp snort.

 

* * *

 

_ Jyn at age 13 _

 

When is the moment that someone knows that they are in love?  Growing up in a household that was devoid of feelings, it was a question that Jyn often pondered when she was nursing a new wound or trying to forget the rest of the day.

 

She only had a handful of memories of her true parents.  Standing taller than almost every person in a room, Galen was somewhat aloof to it and acted as if he didn't stand out.  He was brilliant in a kind way, talking softly and patiently with a shy smile that appeared right before he made a self deprecating remark.  Lyra, her mother, was almost the opposite. Small yet fierce, she drew everyone's eye the second she burst through doorways, her intelligence shining like stars in the sky.  Her infectious laughter was often heard throughout hallways on the campus where she taught and where her parents eventually met. 

 

In times of solitude, Jyn often wondered how her parents realized that they loved one another.  Once, she found herself walking through the campus hallways, touching the cold walls and wondering if that was where her parents first saw one another.  Was it an electrical spark that signaled their love or a guttural punch? Was it whirlwind? Was it love at first sight or a slow growing mutual respect that led to more?

 

She wanted to ask them, but it seemed like she never had time.  There was something always pressing, such as laughter over dinner or dancing under the moonlight and before she knew it, they had disappeared.  First, her mother, whose body atrophied with sickness and then her father who completely vanished and left all his work behind. What she wouldn’t give to just have a little more time.

 

“Is he dead?” she had asked the man with the gray hair who told her about her father’s disappearance when she was only eight years old.  He wore a blinding shade of white, pressed smartly and cut perfectly to his rather slim body.

 

The man merely grinned and a malicious feeling in the pit of her gut manifested at that moment, though she didn’t have the words for it at the time.  All she knew was that she felt bad. “He might as well be.”

 

If she had known what would happen under Orson Krennic’s care, she would have run fast and far.  Instead, she had reached for his outstretched hand and followed him home. 

 

Fuck, she was an idiot.

 

* * *

 

_ Current Time _

 

On the nightstand, Cassian’s phone vibrated.  Wondering if he should move to answer it, he felt Jyn stir and suddenly, she was blinking up at him.   “Do you often get phone calls in the middle of the night?” she croaked.

 

Smiling shyly, Cassian said, “Yeah.  And sometimes, I have a zany neighbor knocking on my wall making me think that something terrible is happening to her.”

 

“Sounds awful.  You should move,” she replied solemnly as she snuggled closer to him.  She was already falling into a deep slumber.

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it; despite how insufferable she is, she reminds me what it’s like to be human.”

 

“Rather than an alien?”

 

He couldn’t help but smile.  “From Pluto, yes.”

 

The phone began vibrating again and she swatted in its direction as she rolled onto her back.  “Answer or I’ll destroy it.”

 

The night stand was on her side of the bed so he had to lean over her to retrieve it.  He heard and felt her humm in satisfaction as most of his weight pressed her into the mattress.  Grabbing his phone, he saw the caller was Kay.

 

Rolling off of Jyn, he answered it and was about to jump out of bed but felt a soft tug.  Turning, he saw Jyn holding onto his sleeve, her eyes shut and her face absolutely peaceful.  Smiling, slightly, he answered the call.

 

“What’s up?”

 

There was a short pause before Kay said, “Pinky swear that you won’t react.”

 

Immediately, Cassian was alert, though he made sure that he didn’t stiffen.  With Jyn so close, he knew that she would notice if something was wrong. “What do you need?” he asked soothingly.  Hearing Jyn’s sigh, he watched her tranquil, serene face and focused on that.

 

“The master called.  He wants you back.”

 

* * *

 

_ Jyn at age 10 - 16 _

 

The mental abuse began at a young age.  It was slight at first with harsh and quick comments followed by soothing ones that made her young mind spin.  She grew desperate and clingy for praise and found herself being the best of her grade at academics just to hear something positive.  But it was never good enough. 

 

He made her question her self worth with double speak and riddles.  Comments about her appearance and her abilities were a daily thing. There were moments where he blamed her for trivial things and stuff she had no control over.  Repeatedly, he told her about her ugly nature, made her believe she was a monster and said that her parents had chosen death over her. No one wanted her; she would be alone forever. 

 

She began to wonder why she existed.

 

Krennic was good at it, too.  Sticking with mental abuse so that there would be no physical marks.  But it manifested and burned inside her tiny body. Reacting swiftly to any heated argument, she found herself in the principal's office with bruises jarring her face, legs and arms.

 

And then whenever there was someone that could possibly help her--a teacher, a counselor, a neighbor--he would be picturesque and the epitome of a doting parent.  He made it seem like she were crazy--a lunatic living in lies. No one believed her; no one wanted to believe her. It was pointless to talk; no one listened. 

 

She grew quiet and contemplative.  She chose her words carefully and used it to jab at people in order to push them away.  If people didn’t want her around, so be it--she didn’t need anyone either.

 

The hollow empty feeling inside her started to grow and gnaw at her.  

 

It was years before she could even look at herself in a mirror without wincing and longer than that to start to see some semblance of reality.  It was thanks to her teacher, Saw, who noticed little things about her--probably understanding more than she would ever know. 

 

Handing her a piece of paper and pencil, he asked her to write.  He had told her she had talent after turning in an essay and let her know that it was a place where she could share her own thoughts through her own eyes.  Initially, she had thought it was a trap and had ignored him but he was persistent and before she knew it, he had introduced her to a realm of wonder and make believe--a place where she could create her own world away from Krennic.  Saw even sent her to a counselor, Mon Mothma, and with a lot of help, Jyn was able to claw her way back to herself. There were still bad days, but now there were more good than bad so she counted that as a win.

 

She was still overly quiet and kept to herself, but now she had an outlet and used it to her advantage.

 

When she turned sixteen, she lost Saw.  Krennic, noticing her happiness, had gone after that man with false accusations and immediately Saw’s job was terminated.  

 

“You see, Jyn?  No one can love you,” Krennic hissed one evening as she headed to bed.  “And if they do? They leave.”

 

She never wanted to admit it, but she had hoped that Saw would help her escape the dungeon that was woven around her.  But as another month passed followed by another with no sign of her teacher, hope began to fade.

 

* * *

 

_ Current Time _

 

The sun peeked through her window, the light slanting across her face.  Jyn blinked rapidly, shading her eyes and remembered that she had made an effort to shut the blinds the night before.  Stretching, she turned her head and stared at the empty spot next to her. 

 

Slowly, her hand shifted until her fingers brushed against the covers.  It was cold and an empty feeling crept into the pit of her stomach as her mind slowly realized that Cassian was not around and had been gone for a while or at least long enough so that the sheets no longer held his warmth.  Glancing around her room with more focus, she noted that everything had been cleaned and that his clothes were missing. Sitting up slowly, she fought against the wave of betrayal that engulfed her. 

 

Swallowing a sob, she glanced at her nightstand and saw his phone was gone.  Instead, a note lay there. To her surprise, her hand darted out quickly and she flipped it over.  It only said, “Living room.”

 

Narrowing her eyes, she read it again.  Slowly, she got out of bed, her body tense.  Opening her bedroom door, she listened for any noise and heard nothing.  Timidly, she walked down the hallway and stepped into her living room, her footsteps stuttering to a dead stop.

 

“Hello, Stardust.”

 

She had no idea what to do or how to react.  The surprise upon seeing Galen Erso, his emaciated body dressed in a simple white shirt and dark slacks, had caused all thought to flutter away.  Her body reacted before her brain could restart and she found her arms engulfing him. 

 

The feel of his bones dug into her chest, hurting her, but she couldn’t let go.  “Fuck, have you even eaten since I last saw you?”

 

His laughter shook through his entire body as he returned her hug.  “Not enough.” 

 

When she finally pulled away, he studied her closely, searching for something and when he found it (or didn’t find it) he let out a soft laugh and crushed her to him again.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t see you until now--I, there’s so much I have to tell you.”

 

Not realizing the tears that were streaming down the corners of her eyes, she was surprised to taste salt on the corner of her lips.  “I want to hear all of it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

They settled into her couch and she stared at him, trying to imprint his face into her memory, fearing that he would disappear at any second.  “What are you doing here?”

 

“Cassian convinced me to come, actually.  He said that he had something to take care of and you’d be pissed if you woke up completely alone.”

 

She couldn’t help but look at her hands clasped in her lap.  Smiling softly, she said, “He’s not wrong.” When she glanced back up, her father was giving her a strange look that she couldn’t quite decipher.

 

“He, uh, he had to convince me that you wanted to see me.  Krennic told me that--that I wasn’t allowed to see you.”

 

“Wait--what?”

 

The story that unfolded angered her to the point that she could barely speak.  There were a few times she held her hand up for a break so that she could retain her cool.  Galen’s work had gotten him under the scrutiny of a government and Krennic had sold him, using Jyn as a hostage.  Her father did whatever he was told so that he could receive assurances that she would be taken care of--would get photos of her that he kept as a reminder and anchor.  Then, there was a young man that he met--Cassian--that had helped him out of his situation but by doing so, had compromised his cover.

 

She watched her father closely but it didn’t look like he had any idea that Cassian had been exiled or that he had to start over.  Jyn swallowed realizing just the huge extent her family had on his life. “So he’s known you for a while,” she whispered.

 

Galen nodded.  “When I saw him on this side, I was surprised.  He came to check on me and I told him that I was looking for you, but--I wasn’t ready to see you.  I--in fact, I’m still kind of afraid.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I didn’t know if Krennic was still keeping tabs on you.  I didn’t know where he was or what he was doing or how angry he had gotten after I escaped.  If I so much as made my presence known to you, you would have--,” but before Galen could finish, he turned away, his eyes completely haunted.  It took him a moment to continue. “I had Cassian give me daily updates on your status and told him to not reveal that I was around--I even paid him but he refused to take anything until one day, not too long ago, when he accepted so suddenly, that it startled me.”  Jyn guessed that it was when his sisters needed the money for the doctor. 

 

Galen shook his head, looking quite fragile.  “I was afraid and wanted to see you so badly but the threats that Krennic made...It’s hard to say; I’ve lived with his threats all my life and I couldn’t pull away from them.  I don’t know--does that make sense?”

 

Jyn understood only because she lived with Krennic.  The threats don’t quite go away and she could still hear his voice whenever she was making decisions.  Not being able to say anything, she merely placed her hand on his arm and gave him a nod. Galen understood and covered her hand with his own, squeezing tightly.

 

“So why did you agree to come today?”

 

“You didn’t hear?  Krennic was captured.”

 

The strange feeling that she woke up with increased and her fear doubled.  She had fallen asleep as soon as Cassian answered his phone last night and couldn’t remember what had happened after.  Was that the reason Cassian wasn’t around? She just found out that he had blown his cover thanks to her father but now that her father was okay, thanks to Krennic being captured, did that mean he was able to go back under cover?

 

Did he leave?

 

She blinked; now wasn’t the time to think about that.  She was looking at her father and that was important for now.  Jyn did what she was always good at; she compartmentalized her feelings and continued forward.

 

They ate, they laughed and at one point, Jyn remembered the one question that had been burning through her since she was a child.  

 

“How’d you know mom was the one?”

 

A soft smile broke through his haggard features and for a moment, he looked a bit like his young self.  “She told me.”

 

“You’re kidding.”

 

“I was--am--a broken person, you see.  Even younger I had crippling doubts about everything and I told her that I was broken but your mom, Lyra,” and the way he said her name sounded so musical to Jyn’s ears.  “Lyra said ‘So am I and so are you but at the end of the day, we’re all here only trying to get by.’” 

 

Resting his head against the couch, his eyes veered toward her window and she could tell that he was looking at a memory rather than the sky.  “I told her that we couldn’t make each other whole and she agreed with me but she stepped close--I could feel her warmth through my shirt; that’s how close she stood--and told me that she’s willing to hold the pieces as I put myself together as long as I was willing to hold hers...even if it took a lifetime.  That was the moment that I knew she understood me for who I am.” 

 

Jyn caught him playing with the ring on his finger and bit her lip as more tears spilled down the corner of her eyes.

 

* * *

 

She tucked the blanket around Galen.  It had been quite a long day and not the talk she expected to have.  While glad that her father was okay, she was pissed about how Krennic had completely destroyed not just her life but so many others.  

 

Her phone vibrated and she checked to see that she got an email from Kay.  Opening it, she read his review of her newest, completed manuscript and getting through the technical issues that he found (spelling errors, tense switching and the like) he that it was ‘good.’  Grimacing, she type out a quick reply.

 

_ Did it hurt you to write that? _

 

Almost immediately, she got a response.   _ A little. _

 

Sending a middle finger meme to him, she shut her phone and stretched.  Looking outside the window and could see that the sun was setting but she was not in the least bit tired.  Grabbing her coat and wallet, she opened the door to her apartment, intending to go for a walk, but stopped short.

 

Cassian stood in front of her, his hand in the air as if ready to knock.  His eyes were wide, shocked at seeing her and he took a step backward. In his other hand, he held a pack of beer and a DVD.

 

There was something slightly off about him but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.  His entire countenance seemed haggard and washed out and there were fresh marks around the knuckles of his hands.  Whenever she would try to catch his gaze, he would avoid eye contact. Worry lines sprouted on her forehead when she realized just how dark the circles under his eyes were.

 

Shoving him forward, she gently shut the door behind her before she said, “I didn’t think I was going to see you again.”

 

“I couldn’t lea--” The hand that was in the air quickly fell to back of his neck where he rubbed it uncertainly.  “I had business to take care of.”

 

Was this it?  This was going to be their last meeting.  Was he saying goodbye? “What are you doing here?”

 

There was a soft, sad smile on his lips as he held up the beer and dvd she recognized as the movie he starred in.  “I’ m here to get tortured as you make fun of me for some dubious choices I made as a young man .  No safety words this time and no fast forwarding.” 

 

In that moment, she realized that she would hold his pieces as long as he would let her.  The revelation was so shocking that she had to look away from him and stare at her shoes. Clearing her throat she asked, “Can I do slow motion on a certain scene?”

 

Ducking down so that his face was in her field of vision, he said, “You’re actually in to this torture business aren’t you?”

 

When their eyes met, she knew that it was her Cassian that she was looking at.  A small smile broke free and she held out her hand as if to shake his. “Jyn Erso.  Dominatrix. And yes, yes, I am.” 

 

To her surprise, he took her hand and threaded it with his.  “I assume Galen is still in there.”

 

Nodding, she said, “He fell asleep on the couch.”

 

“I don’t have a TV but I do have a laptop.  Do you mind watching it on a little screen?”

 

“Not at all--trying to cover up how little  _ it _ is by using a smaller screen?” she asked as they headed to his apartment.

 

Sighing, he merely grinned at her and said, “This is how it is going to be, isn’t it?  I should have bought more beer.”

 

Leading her into his living room, she was surprised to see that nothing had changed.  For some reason, she had assumed he had packed up everything and disappeared into the night.  They sat on his couch as he prepared his computer. She watched him, for a few moments, the pale light of the screen lighting features of his face.  There was that same tired look that he had worn, but there was something behind it--something that she couldn’t quite figure out.

 

Reaching out, she touched his shoulder until she got his full attention.  “What happened?”

 

Taking a deep breath, he said, “I was called back.”

 

“By... _ him _ .”

 

“I had to identify the prisoner--the person that broke my cover.”  Cassian licked his lips and looked like he didn’t quite want to say the last bit.  “I needed to identify Krennic.”

 

The world seemed to fall out from beneath her feet.  She knew that he was in the universe, existing somewhere, but she never kept tabs on him, wanting to believe that he was far away or even better, dead.  Knowing that he wasn’t and, even worse, close...she didn’t know how to deal with that. He was something that she had put out of her head in order to survive but now that he was back in the picture...

 

His hands were suddenly covering hers and she realized that they must have been shaking.  

 

“Was it?”

 

His non answer was answer enough.  She picked up her beer and drank the entirety of it, unable to look at him while she tried her best to push the idea of Krennic out of her head.  Slamming the bottle a little hard on the ground, she returned her hand to her lap, reveling in the feel of his steady grasp. “So what happens now?”  

 

“I take him back to my boss.”  The smile that Cassian offered her was deadly.  “Draven will take care of him.” 

 

Grinding her teeth together, Jyn knew what that meant but dared not voice that thought.  In addition, Cassian would go back--back to his life and his sisters that need him the most.  What it means for them and for the future and for holding his pieces... She felt herself choke up but forced herself to peer into his eyes.  “And then?”

 

“And then,” he repeated, peering right back at her as warmth took over his features, “I introduce you to my sisters, if you’d like?  You also still owe me a coffee.”

 

Flipping her hand over, she grasped on to Cassian’s.  “Promise?”

 

Linking his pinky with hers, he brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles.  “Pinky swear.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay; I have had this chapter sitting on the back burner for so long and didn't know quite how to finish it...in fact, it still feels unfinished for me but IDK--what do you think? 
> 
> Hope it was still enjoyable and a tremendous thank you to all that kudo'd, commented, and stayed with me.

**Author's Note:**

> Things to note: 
> 
> The main title is a song from Caravan Palace (what I listen to at work so I can stay awake).
> 
> This is based loosely on Beauty and the Beast


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